Playing the Game

The rules of football, or laws if you like, are straightforward enough aren't they? Two teams comprising eleven players attempt to kick a round inflated ball into the opponent's goal more times than the other team during the course of the "game" (a misnomer if ever there was one). The winning team is the one who kicks the aforesaid ball into the opposing team's goal more times than the opposing team does into theirs. Each time the ball is kicked into the goal a "goal" is scored. Occasionally a team may score what is known as an "own goal." This occurs when one of the players mistakenly/ clumsily (delete as appropriate) strikes the ball into his own team's goal. With it so far? Easy isn't it?

The contest, or game, lasts ninety minutes. Unless, that is, the game takes place at Old Trafford in which case the game is extended until the home team scores the winning goal and/or the home team's manager decides it is time for the referee to blow his whistle thus bringing the game to a close (just joking-I think!). Still with me?

Problems arise, however, when these simple rules are interpreted differently by the opposing teams and their managers or when the referee makes a decision, which appears to have no relevance to the game he is supposed to be supervising. On such occasions matters become rather heated, tempers are lost and every now and again blood is spilt. All over a silly game. Well, what's to be done?

It may prove useful and instructive to provide each player (and his manager) with a full set of the rules of the game and not let the teams play until they are able to pass a test (unwritten of course - there's no point in complicating matters!) indicating a thorough grasp of those rules. This could possibly result in a considerable reduction in bookings and sendings-off for dissent and verbal abuse of the referee. For their part referees should be questioned as to their parentage (thus removing the need for any enquiry by players and supporters during the game), their place of birth and any football allegiances. In addition they should also be tested regularly on their interpretation of the rules of the game.

If taken, these steps could lead to a whole new era of peace, tolerance and understanding between players, managers, referees and the clubs' supporters. It could also lead to an end to the constant whingeing, backbiting and moaning on Sky TV every Saturday at five o'clock. But I wouldn't bank on it.

JE

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